This entry has been a long time coming. Partly because there is a weird combination of nothing to write about and too much to write about, and partly because I'm worried of not meeting the high expectations may have been set by the promise at the end of my last entry ("thought's may be provoked"). The truth of the matter is that whatever I had brewing in my mind when I posted that is long gone to the same place as anything I once learned in Math 30.
The truth of the matter is that there are several noteworthy things happening in my life right now. I've been willingly and contentedly unemployed for the last month and a half- perhaps that's a topic I should attempt to explore. When people ask why I'm not working at the church anymore, part of me would like to make some awkward reference to "the scandal" just to make people uncomfortable. However the truth of the matter is that what the church was looking for in a youth minister and what I could offer are two different things. Through that process I've discovered much about myself; things both positive and negative (although I have a tough time focusing on anything but the negatives).
Overall, it really was a positive experience working at the church; I had the opportunity to befriend, hang out with, teach, counsel, and be immensely blessed by some of the most incredible young people. But in the end, I never really felt comfortable with the title, the responsibilities, the expectations, and much else that goes along with being a Youth Pastor. I've learned a lot about how local church bodies function, and as a result there are now dozens of new and deeper thoughts and questions about what it means to be God's people on Earth.
The other side of my decision to move on is the constant and unwavering desire to use my musical abilities to their fullest potential. Here's where I've run into a few problems:
1. I know I have the potential, but I feel lacking in discipline to practice and improve as well as deficient in my technique for playing both guitar and piano as well as vocally.
2. There really aren't many options for playing music around here other than regular wedding songs and church services (or so I thought... more on that later)
3. For some reason I've got some personal reservations about actually taking a "Worship Pastor" position. I really have no problems with the position itself; for some reason I'm just not comfortable envisioning myself in such a position.
All these factors led to contemplating a move to somewhere else: somewhere where it would be possible to take more practical music lessons and find opportunities to maybe even make a living at making music. Lately the desire has been growing to tour around, perhaps as a backing musician for a quality independent artist (if you read this, Amanda Falk, send me a message!). I was and still am contemplating a move down to Edmonton in fall, but things may be changing.
In reference to number two above, lately I've gotten involved with a few other musicians right here in La Crete. Together we are working on recording some songs and are beginning to talk about playing gigs and putting a tour together. It's exciting, but also a little bit unnerving as I don't know if I can be fully committed right now; there are always the thoughts about whether this is the right fit for me right now as well as the constant speculation along the lines of "what if there are other, 'better' opportunities out there?" Regardless, for now I'm enjoying jamming with the guys and look forward to being a part of the recording progress. I'll be sure to give more details as it unfolds.
Well, that's a lot of text for one entry. As mentioned previously, I'm currently unemployed and living comfortably of off savings until fall. So here's a picture and a link to show you what I've been keeping myself busy with:
http://acapella.harmony-central.com/showthread.php?t=2355286
